Monday, August 22, 2011

I'm Changing My Name to Ron Paul

One of my father's favorite quips was, "Isn't it amazing the things people would rather have than their money?" He was usually referring to something like an uncomfortable-looking pair of shoes my mother had bought, or to a faux baseball jersey some fan had just overpaid for at the ballpark. Walk through Target or Costco or Macy's, and you're stunned at the number of things for sale and you wonder about many of them, "Who'd ever buy that?"

Well, someone will, probably. They'd rather have that green frog doorstop than they would the money it cost. Which, of course, leads me to the topic du jour.

On Bloomberg news this morning, I heard that Congressman Ron Paul had raised $1.8 million for his Quixotic presidential bid. It means that a group of people--don't know who or how many--would rather have Ron Paul than their money.

Naturally, I thought to myself, "Man, what turnip truck did you just get off of?" It was for just being Ron Paul, I guess. So, I thought, why not change my name to Ron Paul and quit pushing the real estate string?

Then I thought, changing my name to Ron Paul might be absolutely Ron Paullian! First, I'd have to cancel all my credit cards and other debt and tell my creditors since I'm now Ron Paul, the debt isn't mine. Then I'd have to go out and get all new credit cards under my new name. This pretty well sums up his monetary policy, and I can see why people would pay him $1.8 million so they can all do that.

Next is the problem of my children's names. Ron Paul named his son after South African currency, the rand. I don't know if my kids would like to be called, say, Peso, Yuan and Lira, but it's definitely worth asking.

Because, hey. I can go on with this, but if someone out there wants to hand out $1.8 million because they'd rather have Ron Paul than their money, I'll stand in line. I can be their guy!

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